Religious Service Pillows

"We just got a call from the shul down the block. Could we find them a tenth man for a minyan?"

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

A child interrupting family prayers

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

St. Elmo's fired.

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

How's my sermon. . .

R.C.I.A.

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

'It helps with reception.'

Male On Sunday

Regular Sermons - Fire & Brimstone Sermons

How's my Sermon . . .

'Are you putting on your Sunday Best, Felix?'

"I'm afraid the diagnosis isn't good."

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

"Holy moly!"

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

"The time has come to reflect and ask ourselves... 'what would Jesus tweet?'"

"T.G.I.F."

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

Hymns - Optional Extras

"Can you put some sunscreen on my ankles."

'Whoa Hold up, You need to get you hand stamped,'

"For goodness sake brother. Haven't you finished that note to the milkman yet?"

"First, you have to get their attention."

Man in church sees sign: Thank you for not yawning.

'In conclusion, it's more blessed to give than retrieve.'

Vicar preaching at pulpit

Drive-Thru Church Service

'It's unto thee.'