Religious Services Pillows

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Male On Sunday

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

A child interrupting family prayers

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

St. Elmo's fired.

How's my sermon. . .

R.C.I.A.

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

'It helps with reception.'

"Holy moly!"

Regular Sermons - Fire & Brimstone Sermons

How's my Sermon . . .

'Are you putting on your Sunday Best, Felix?'

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

"I'm afraid the diagnosis isn't good."

"The time has come to reflect and ask ourselves... 'what would Jesus tweet?'"

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

"He's a very alternative vicar - he's installed wind chimes.'

"Can you put some sunscreen on my ankles."

'Whoa Hold up, You need to get you hand stamped,'

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

"T.G.I.F."

"Reading the Sunday Funnies 'religiously' does not count as worship."

"First, you have to get their attention."

"For goodness sake brother. Haven't you finished that note to the milkman yet?"

Man in church sees sign: Thank you for not yawning.

'I'm not going to bore you with a long sermon to-day - here's one I recorded earlier...'

'In conclusion, it's more blessed to give than retrieve.'

'It's unto thee.'

Vicar preaching at pulpit