Religious Services Pillows

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Male On Sunday

A child interrupting family prayers

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

St. Elmo's fired.

How's my sermon. . .

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

"Holy moly!"

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

Regular Sermons - Fire & Brimstone Sermons

"I'm afraid the diagnosis isn't good."

How's my Sermon . . .

'It helps with reception.'

'Are you putting on your Sunday Best, Felix?'

"The time has come to reflect and ask ourselves... 'what would Jesus tweet?'"

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

"He's a very alternative vicar - he's installed wind chimes.'

"Reading the Sunday Funnies 'religiously' does not count as worship."

"Can you put some sunscreen on my ankles."

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

"T.G.I.F."

Man in church sees sign: Thank you for not yawning.

"First, you have to get their attention."

"For goodness sake brother. Haven't you finished that note to the milkman yet?"

'I'm not going to bore you with a long sermon to-day - here's one I recorded earlier...'

'In conclusion, it's more blessed to give than retrieve.'

Drive-Thru Church Service

Vicar preaching at pulpit

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'