Christian Service Pillows

27 Years in the same Vocation.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

A child interrupting family prayers

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

Priest

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"We missed you at church Sunday."

Monk Prompt

Verger Works

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"That's our new church mascot."

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."