Christian Service Gifts

27 Years in the same Vocation.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

A child interrupting family prayers

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

Priest

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"That's our new church mascot."

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

Verger Works

Monk Prompt

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"We missed you at church Sunday."