Church Service Supporter Gifts

Campanology wasn't really Gregory's thing!

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

Early Piety

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

Hildegard von Bingen

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Priest

'Let us pray...'

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

Verger Works

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"That's our new church mascot."

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Baptism Then and Now

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

'Father James, I slept with Father Henry from next parish... Is that a sin?' - 'Of course!! You belong to my parish!'

"Amen. Please help me up."

CCTV in church.

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"

"I have an app for that."

"No, the Trinity is not the Father, The Son, and the Preacher's wife."

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."