Church Service Aficionado Gifts

'Service Lift.'

Hymns - Optional Extras

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"That's our new church mascot."

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

R.C.I.A.

God is for life not just for Christmas.

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

'Are you putting on your Sunday Best, Felix?'

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

Framed dollar in church secretary office says 'Our First Offering'

"The time has come to reflect and ask ourselves... 'what would Jesus tweet?'"

'How well you did it will determine whether it's 'as good as done', Father.'

Pope Francis

Vicar

Heavenly voices.

"Although the collection plate appears to be half full, our accountant assures me that it is half empty."

Kid to pastor: 'Doesn't Jesus worry about approval ratings?'

A group of women concerned about a priest climbing a ladder

"Oh, hi Pastor, I figured I didn't need to go to church - I ALREADY felt guilty."

Using dogs as greeters at church was a failed experiment.

"I didn't say, 'Simon says'..."

Yeah? Well my father's better at prayers

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'