Church Enthusiast Gifts

R.C.I.A.

"It's true - we totally have the best religion!"

'Trust in God, but count your change.'

God is for life not just for Christmas.

"Although the collection plate appears to be half full, our accountant assures me that it is half empty."

'The love of money is the root of all evil? Is that the whole treasurer's report?'

"The trustees feel the Reverend Dr. Clapsattle does not harmonize with the edifice."

Church sign states congregation can't decide on carpet color.

"And now..the sermon on the mount."

Using dogs as greeters at church was a failed experiment.

'Easter coming so soon after Christmas has almost turned Anthony into a regular churchgoer.'

"I short, we traded you to first Presbyterian for their associate pastor, their choir director, and a seminary student to be named later."

'The minister's trying something new to encourage more contributions to the Sunday collection.'

'4th Sunday before Easter... and 5th before my holiday!'

Framed dollar in church secretary office says 'Our First Offering'

A blank church notice board with church in background

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

A group of women concerned about a priest climbing a ladder

Please follow safe worship practices.

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish and you will never see him in church on Sunday again."

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"It's not that we consider ourselves holier than others just because we choose to sit in the front row."

"Mother Superior - does that mean she's more important than you are?"

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

"Look, Mom. A Valentine theme."

"I hope you don't intend to dwell in the house of the lord forever, I have a wedding today."

"I'm not too sure about the new vicar's style!"

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

John Knox

"And just a reminder that next week is our special baptismal and flea dip for everyone's pets."

"I'll come out and play in a minute. I'm having a teachable moment."

"As an ex-priest, I'm having a hard time adjusting to these non-cathedral ceilings."

"And God said - Let there be preachiness."