Church Aficionado Gifts

Labelled Church Bells.

"I don't mind Harold bringing his work home, but it's the ringing of the bells I object to."

A Clean Sweep at the Vatican.

"Is that why Jesus said, 'Peter, you are the rock and on this rock I will build my Church'?"

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

"That's our new church mascot."

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

'All it needs is a ceiling fan.'

R.C.I.A.

God is for life not just for Christmas.

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

Martin Luther's 96th Thesis

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

Framed dollar in church secretary office says 'Our First Offering'

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

'How well you did it will determine whether it's 'as good as done', Father.'

Vicar

Pope Francis

Heavenly voices.

Hymns - Optional Extras

'No kidding? -- a black belt in humility?'

"Although the collection plate appears to be half full, our accountant assures me that it is half empty."

Using dogs as greeters at church was a failed experiment.

A group of women concerned about a priest climbing a ladder

"Oh, hi Pastor, I figured I didn't need to go to church - I ALREADY felt guilty."

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish and you will never see him in church on Sunday again."