Church Community Enthusiast Gifts

Ding Dong Merrily on High

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

"Line one, Pastor Bob. Last name, Sims. First name, Mary. Preferred name, Honey."

"That's our new church mascot."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"Look, Martha—you contribute, I contribute, we all contribute to the pulse of the city."

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

God is for life not just for Christmas.

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

"If she has the voice of an angel I sure hope the others drown her out."

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

Well, yes, it's a free library, but...

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

Framed dollar in church secretary office says 'Our First Offering'

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

Pope Francis

Hymns - Optional Extras

Vicar

'How well you did it will determine whether it's 'as good as done', Father.'

"Although the collection plate appears to be half full, our accountant assures me that it is half empty."

A group of women concerned about a priest climbing a ladder

Using dogs as greeters at church was a failed experiment.

"Oh, hi Pastor, I figured I didn't need to go to church - I ALREADY felt guilty."

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish and you will never see him in church on Sunday again."