Church Community Gifts

'Don't worry. I'm a church pastor. First little problem, and they'll find me.'

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'You'll love the congregation. We're chock-full of sermon material.'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"Once we get the doors open, we'll see all the people."

The youth pastor and worship leader compete for the skinniest jeans award.

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Social distancing

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

'Wentworth Street, Whitechapel'

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

Love linked

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Noise Pollution

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

'Let us pray...'

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.