Church Gifts

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

"I love the blockbusters of the summer confession season."

'You certainly got our attention, pastor.'

"It's rose, not pink...Because Jesus rose from the dead. He didn't pink from it."

While watching Mass at home during the pandemic, dad gets the bright idea of taking up a collection.

'Does 'Amen' mean 'Send'?'

'He only got this job because of who his dad is.'

"I've only got Bitcoins."

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

"Do I have one too?"

"We learned about the 10 commandments, but I bet my parents will add a few of there own!"

"Faith cannot be bought. We do, however, offer an attractive leasing option."

Priest getting stained glass glasses.

Harold stares at people he thinks the sermon is pertiment to.

"The Lord works in mysterious ways ??" except on Sundays, when I take over."

God is for life not just for Christmas.

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

Bingo Addicts...

"My parents will come to church again if you switch to rose."

'Hello, I'm your new service provider'.

First Church: Thy shalt not blog against thy neighbor.

'And then it happened. Halfway through your sermon, my insomnia was miraculously cured!'

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'Impressive! You went to church even on Super Bowl sundays.'

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

'I understand the new usher is in the restaurant business.'

Bored-again Christians.

'You're in luck. The dog ate my sermon.'

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'

"Although the collection plate appears to be half full, our accountant assures me that it is half empty."

"They always pass me these collection plates at church, so I started collecting them."

'I often commit the sin of pride, Reverend. I imagine myself being googled.'

Choirmaster conducting, with one hand over a choirboy's mouth.

The Pet Parson

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"