Church Social Gifts

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

Priest's 'To do' list.

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

Priest

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"That's our new church mascot."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

Monk Prompt