Church Social Gifts

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

Priest's 'To do' list.

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

Priest

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

Monk Prompt

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"That's our new church mascot."

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

Clown Ministry Baptism Today