Church Event Gifts

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

Absalon's bad hair day.

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

'We finally nailed down where our congregation's priorities lie!'

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

A crowd of happy pet owners.

"Where do we put Desserts?"

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

Priest's 'To do' list.

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

See you at the farmers market!

AA Meeting Here Today

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

Church Basement Foodie

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

Priest

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

Monk Prompt

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

Verger Works