Church Festival Gifts

R.C.I.A.

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'Let us pray...'

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"Come to our microbrew party Saturday. It's B.Y.O.B. — Bring Your Own Brewery."

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

United Church of OMG

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

The ten ammendments

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

The Sleeping Congregation.

Sermon Applause.

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

God is for life not just for Christmas.