Church Event Pillows

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

Absalon's bad hair day.

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

'We finally nailed down where our congregation's priorities lie!'

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

A crowd of happy pet owners.

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"Where do we put Desserts?"

Priest's 'To do' list.

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

AA Meeting Here Today

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

See you at the farmers market!

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Priest

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

Church Basement Foodie

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

Monk Prompt

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"That's our new church mascot."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"