Church Fundraising Event Pillows

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

'I don't think we're devoted to the Lord. I think we're devoted to dessert.'

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

R.C.I.A.

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

A woman in prayer

'Are we having fun yet?'

The nonprofit dog fight.

'But why do we have to plough the fields and scatter when we get everything from Tesco?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

The Porkypine Pals Christmas Adventure - Part Four

"Give us this day our daily bread..."

"Maybe all spirit filled meetings should be held outside to avoid setting off the sprinklers."

'Billy, you're embarrassing us. Please stop saying 'ka-ching, ka-ching'.'

"Relax, the vicar's surrounded the place with mouse traps."

'We finally nailed down where our congregation's priorities lie!'

"Can we discuss this?"

The Fun Run.

'You'll have to excuse my husband - he's got compassion fatigue.'

"First, you have to get their attention."

'Dear, it's called a collection plate, not a tip jar.'

"An ounce of prevention." "This way we don't need to raise as much."

Drive-Thru Church Service

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

The Boise Chapter of the Polar Bear Club celebrates the news that it's been given 'Endangered Species' status.

Vikings trying to get in - "Calm yourselves the jumble sale doesn't start for another five minutes."

Marathon runners in silly costumes.

'Thanks for the thought but we can't accept lottery tickets.'

Vicar with three taps: hot, cold and holy.

"No, there is not an annual cap on tithes."