Church Fundraiser Pillows

'Dear, it's called a collection plate, not a tip jar.'

"Relax, the vicar's surrounded the place with mouse traps."

Basketball Hoop on the Suggestion Box

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'Thanks for the thought but we can't accept lottery tickets.'

"We only got six days of funding."

"Our war is against cancer."

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"You can either make a pledge or join us in this weekend's Barkathon."

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

Pearly King and Queen

"He says he wants to see the actual brick he donated."

We're making progress building a staff for the palace. The king's lawyer and accountant has sealed lips, of course. Putting a big heart in the charity foundation chief, and building the gardener with a green thumb were excellent choices, Ernie. But the entertainers sill need some fixes. The jester doesn't have a funny bone. I'm nobody's fool. And you have the minstrel a tin ear! Oops.

"That's our new church mascot."

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'Al, this is Jack. He's with the Committee to Eliminate the Board of Education. Jack, this is Al. He's with the Committee to Increase Funding for the Board of Education.'

'I don't think I've ever heard of the Geezer Scouts or Geezer Scout cookies.'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"Well, we got the grant."

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember . . ."

The nonprofit dog fight.

Bake Sale! To benefit our town animal shelter

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

"Look! It's the Montgomerys from the breast-cancer walk."

'Sorry - I only donate big.'

Girl Scout cookies selling the girl scout.