Religion Pillows

Four Questions of the Seder

All-Candy Seder.

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

"I was a dog in a previous life, but I came back as a god."

Evolution or Creation? A Compromise

"And remember, if you need anything I'm available 24/6."

'That's just sick!'

'I really do feel empowered. I should've joined a gang years ago.'

Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses - No soliciting.

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now, when?" "This just in" "1. Nobody - 2. A schmuck - 3. Maybe tomorrow."

Creation of Wine

"I just feel we'd know more people in Hell."

"Thanks a bunch. I'll just run these by our committee and pass them along."

"The Kitmans in 12-B. Tell them Elijah is here for the Seder."

The Encyclopedia of Job

R.C.I.A.

"Oh, I know He works in mysterious ways, but if I worked that mysteriously I'd get fired."

"I can't remember. Are we for or against cloning?"

'He heard a voice saying: 'If you build it they will come'. '

"Remember,this is a one-shot, not an entitlement."

"Go and spread the Gospel. Hide it in colorful, little eggs for the world to find and be delighted by."

'To be honest, it's a bit hard to swallow.'

"We need either bigger needles or smaller camels."

Blessed are the brief.

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

"Are we allowed to pray?"

'Bless me father for I have sinned. I use trans fats in all of my pie crusts.'

"Dear God, Thank you for the nice commandments."

'You realize, it may take us a while to get up to code.'

"Maybe he can't swim."

Various Birds of Pray.

Trappist talk show.

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

"Wait, people! Let's not rush into a bad deal."

Adam and Eve Food Truck