Religions Gifts

Mass Confucian

"It's part of His new diversity program."

'Don't look now, but they're starting ANOTHER religion in the Middle East.'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"We only got six days of funding."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Guess who brought king cake!"

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

Moses separating his Laundry.

Moses on the web

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

Priest's 'To do' list.