Religious Clergy Gifts

Kicking Out The Jams On A Friday Night With The Sisters Of Doo-Wop

"Obviously our vow of poverty excludes real estate."

'Yeah, I'm an atheist - and a damn good one.'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

"Guess who brought king cake!"

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"You may now kiss the bride..."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

God Sneezes Out Creation

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

Golfing Bishop.

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

At the 2021 Religious Games

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"All we have left is standing room only."

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

The Current Separation of Church and State Explained.

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"What? You broke number 3 already?"