Religious Clergy Gifts

Kicking Out The Jams On A Friday Night With The Sisters Of Doo-Wop

"Obviously our vow of poverty excludes real estate."

'Yeah, I'm an atheist - and a damn good one.'

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

"Guess who brought king cake!"

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"You may now kiss the bride..."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

God Sneezes Out Creation

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

Golfing Bishop.

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"All we have left is standing room only."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

At the 2021 Religious Games

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

The Current Separation of Church and State Explained.

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'