Religious Practitioner Gifts

Gregorian Monks: Please turn off your cell phones.

"So … ribs for lunch?"

Really, Brother Gregory, that was only necessary on your head.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

A child interrupting family prayers

"Seminary didn't prepare me for this."

St. Elmo's fired.

Bible Bloopers

"Perhaps if you guys just swam along behind us for a while."

Noah's ark, many lions

Giving Things Up For Lent.

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"Wow, Jesus. That lesson rocked, someone should write this stuff down."

Nun Binning the Devil

Moses' first encounter with the burning bush didn't go well.

Saying Grace.

'God sees everything? You mean He channel surfs?'

"Thou Shalt not Covid thy Neighbor's Wife!"

"...and thank you for sending my guardian angel to protect me from that truck today..."

Moses/stranded shark

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

"He's a very alternative vicar - he's installed wind chimes.'

'When we get to the promised land I never want to even see a piece of manna again for as long as I live.'

'Don't read the Book of Revelations yet -- it's full of spoilers.'

"Can you put some sunscreen on my ankles."

'I'm going to check with my pastor to see what the Bible says about this operation.'

"T.G.I.F."

"If I ask you something, will you promise not to get mad?"

'You think you're pretty humble, don't you?'

Give Thanks.

"For goodness sake brother. Haven't you finished that note to the milkman yet?"

Church of divine healing - Emergency Room.

'He made it big in the athlete prayer industry.'