Spirituality Practitioner Gifts

'My spirit guide told me your inner child really needs a speeding ticket.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Home depot."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

Cactus seats.

My God, I need to fart.

'So, what's for dinner ...a séance?'

Quantum Psychic

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

'There is no past. No future. Only the present, which is changing every instant. Time is merely an illusion. Got it?'

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

Guru.

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

'It says, 'Life is like a transistor.''

Giving Things Up For Lent.

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

"Make me one with everything!"

..and with our new spirit website you can keep in touch with all your dead friends!

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

'Your deceased husband keeps saying: don't call him. He'll call you.'

All we have in life is this moment...

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

'I suppose you're entitled to your opinion, but I still say that Shemp was the greatest of them all.'

"Hoarder."

"'I think, therefore I am'? - How illusory can you GET?"

'The Meaning of Life? -- you don't have a bad ticker, do you?'

'We have to move - they're putting in a cell phone tower up here.'

"The answers to the questions you seek could also be found on Google."

Man can levitate but can't hold fingers properly.

"Well, it gets lonely up here!"

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"