Spiritualist Gifts

"In the future, everyone will have privacy for fifteen minutes."

'We don't devour, Mirabelle: we empower.'

'You act surprised.'

"One knock for yes, two knocks to leave a message, three knocks to speak to an advisor..."

'I want to tap into my higher self.'

'So, what's for dinner ...a séance?'

"You're on mute."

"Just what we've been looking for...a happy medium."

'I think I'm entitled to an exchange - I specifically asked dfor a medium and I've been given a large.' (Psyd's Psychic Supply Co.)

"Restless spirit, we don't know who or what you are, but thank you for your amazing Wi-Fi, and for keeping the signal strong."

"Here goes nothing."

"...The Spirits are out at the moment, but if you'd like to leave a message...."

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'

'I don't know - asceticism just doesn't seem like ENOUGH any more.'

Thank you for calling the after-life...

Mind reading institute - 'You can say that again!'

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

"I have eight spirits coming through."

"Madam Zelda passed to the other side last week. Would you want me to get a message to her?"

"I'm dating a spiritualist medium..."

"I have grave news."

"The only thing I'm sensing is an entrepreneurial spirit."

Spiritualist. Out of business. I lost the ability to contact the departed. It's like clothes. Some people are a "medium" when young, but not when we get older.

"Ask her where she keeps the mailbox key and the nutmeg."

"Thirty-seven years up here and my ears STILL pop!"

"This, of course, is a medium strength medication."

Cemetery: Communicated with your loved one see Madam Zolta within.

"It's your mom. She says sit up straight and stop biting your nails."

'I keep getting his answering machine.'

'I felt the glass move!'

'The spirit of Miss Tiger Lilly couldn't come this week!'

Spiritualist Society Parking

"She tried to explain the difference between spirituality, mindfulness and mysticism. I didn't get it."

'The spirit is very positive about your future...'

"He apologizes for not contacting us during the previous session. The wi-fi was off in the hereafter."