Modern Day Spiritualist Gifts

'I was actually hoping they'd tell us how many twitter followers one needs to be 'sainted'.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

reincarnated worm...

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

Denmark scrapped anti-blasphemy law!

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

'So, what's for dinner ...a séance?'

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

'There is no past. No future. Only the present, which is changing every instant. Time is merely an illusion. Got it?'

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

Wikipedia...

'It says, 'Life is like a transistor.''

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"Do you have an appointment?"

Guru.

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

God's Phone

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

"Make me one with everything!"

'Your deceased husband keeps saying: don't call him. He'll call you.'

Witches of Instagram

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

..and with our new spirit website you can keep in touch with all your dead friends!

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

'Follow this diet, and soon the temple of your soul will just be a small chapel.'

'Those are the Divinity students.'

"All the celebrities come here."

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."