Modern Spirituality Gifts

How's my absolution! (800)-HAIL MARY

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"How can you be out of wings?"

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Good game."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'T.M.I.F.'

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

reincarnated worm...

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

Priest's 'To do' list.

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

Turn, turn and turn.

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

"Oh, we're not religious. We only go on the solstices and equinoxes."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

Ghostwriting the Bible

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

"Oh, ah, sorry!"

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'