Alternative Spirituality Gifts

'I tried Satanism, but they've got a lot of dogma too.'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

Vegetarian Birds

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

'Rehab centre' "I'm addicted to Irvine Welsh"

Punk Reindeer

'It's going to be a vegan.'

"No, dude. Smoke the grass first. Then eat the candy."

The Mainstream

REPENT! Get back to nature

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

"Wait a minute, is that toad I taste? I told you I've gone vegan, Cynthia!"

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

'Extinct? Good heavens no. I'm vegan for God's sake.'

"I'm putting you on country music."

'Who would have thought there was a market for it? We're going to be rich George!...'

'I have one last question: this beach is clothing optional, right?'

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

"I beg to differ."

The New Age Dentist.

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"Do you see what you are doing to your mother?"

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

'Vegetable proteins sure have caught on. I have to go over to Canyon Gulch and round up a herd of soybeans.'

"C’mon, Sara. Like you wouldn’t consider – even for a second – accepting an iPhone from the devil."

Psychiatry. Ordinary therapeutic techniques have been unsuccessful, but I have a crazy idea that just might work!

'Extreme acupuncture.'

"What do you consider your most attractive feature and what are you doing about it?"

Naturist Beach - Nudity strictly enforced.

"Living underground is not what it used to be."

"He went to an alternative therapy seminar to find ways of reducing his stress levels..."

The Shy Nudist Camp.

"And this one is made of ancient crystals that detoxify the air and remove all the money from your pocket."