Alternative Religion Gifts

Venus Fly Trap

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

Self help acupuncture

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

Vegetarian Birds

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

'Rehab centre' "I'm addicted to Irvine Welsh"

Punk Reindeer

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

'You've got, like, a Feng Shui problem with your pancreas, dude.'

New Age Store.

"No, dude. Smoke the grass first. Then eat the candy."

The Mainstream

'It's going to be a vegan.'

"You won’t find a more effective antidepressant."

Traditional vs alternative medicine.

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

REPENT! Get back to nature

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

"Looks like your Yang is on the move again."

"Wait a minute, is that toad I taste? I told you I've gone vegan, Cynthia!"

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

Admit it Doc. You're jealous because my home remedy worked better than your fancy prescription!

If all else falls...Mom's Chicken Soup

'Interesting presentation Bradley, except you were supposed to be discussing the nature of the DOW.'

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

'Who would have thought there was a market for it? We're going to be rich George!...'