Alternative Religions Gifts

"I had the usual religious upbringing, but then I converted."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

Self help acupuncture

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

Vegetarian Birds

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

Punk Reindeer

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

'Rehab centre' "I'm addicted to Irvine Welsh"

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

'You've got, like, a Feng Shui problem with your pancreas, dude.'

New Age Store.

Jeff Tweedy caricature.

"You won’t find a more effective antidepressant."

Traditional vs alternative medicine.

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

"Wait a minute, is that toad I taste? I told you I've gone vegan, Cynthia!"

Admit it Doc. You're jealous because my home remedy worked better than your fancy prescription!

"Looks like your Yang is on the move again."

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

If all else falls...Mom's Chicken Soup

'Interesting presentation Bradley, except you were supposed to be discussing the nature of the DOW.'

'Extinct? Good heavens no. I'm vegan for God's sake.'

'Who would have thought there was a market for it? We're going to be rich George!...'

"I'm putting you on country music."

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

Shaman reads magazine entitled 'Witch Doctor'.