Alternative Lifestyle Gifts

Overly pierced man in a lot of pain.

"I'm sorry. But being a vegan doesn't give you a free pass."

"I'm a green thief."

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

'I'm kind of a survivalist myself. I roast my own coffee and distil my own gin.'

REPENT! Get back to nature

'What are they, men or women? I don't know, they're not wearing clothes.'

Part Time Woman Wanted.

"I beg to differ."

'I'm a situational vegan. If someone else is paying it's an eight ounce kobi steak for me.'

"I love the way you've put your outfit together."

'Where's he off to? He's got himself a job as a deck chair attendant at a nudist beach.'

'How many vegetables died for your stupid salad?'

'This is our last date, Harry. I think I should see other weirdos.'

"Danny told us you don't eat meat, so we made you a fisherman instead."

'We're planning an organic barbecue- what have you got that goes with road-kill?'

End of season mosquito football trip

"Beneath my clothing, I'm completely nude. And the best part is, it's completely legal!"

Organic Curses

'I know you're retired now, Walter, but I still think you should put on some clothes.'

"Hi! I'm here for Bob the Vegan."

"As a vegan vampire I suck but I don't swallow."

'It's going to be a vegan.'

"I wouldn't get your hopes up. . . they've gone vegan!"

Let It All Hang Out In Celebration. . .

"Ten thirty should be fine. I've got absolutely nothing on today."

Yoga n' Crisps

"Relax, man. The hallucinations aren't due to food poisoning. That's just the first course kicking in."

"He's been like this ever since he stopped eating the stuff and began smoking it."

"No, I'm sorry sir, we don't do a nudist's lunch but the dressed crab is very good."

"You had me at plant based diet..."

"Yes, do pop round - I've got nothing on!"

"Oh, that old thing? She's been wearing that for years, haven't you dear?"

Flower Child

Irony: Vegetarians know more words for meat than carnivores do.