Alternative Lifestyle Supporter Gifts

Randall shows his support of the tiny house movement...

Body Piercing.

"I heard you've become a vegetarian."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

Vegetarian Birds

"Just a couple of ninety cent seed packets, and you can have fresh garden vegetables for heaven knows how long."

Punk Reindeer

"1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood"

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

The Mainstream

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"No, dude. Smoke the grass first. Then eat the candy."

'It's going to be a vegan.'

REPENT! Get back to nature

"Wait a minute, is that toad I taste? I told you I've gone vegan, Cynthia!"

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

'Extinct? Good heavens no. I'm vegan for God's sake.'

'I wouldn't bother. They're probably gluten-free vegetarians.'

"Oh, you silly girl, you! Don't tell me you brought home another husband."

"I'm not a total vegetarian, sometimes I like a bit of buffalo."

'I have one last question: this beach is clothing optional, right?'

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

"I beg to differ."

'Vegetable proteins sure have caught on. I have to go over to Canyon Gulch and round up a herd of soybeans.'

"Oh, it's always something now he wants to become a vegetarian."

"Do you see what you are doing to your mother?"

'Isn't it romantic, being married in the same alley where we first met eight months ago?'

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"C’mon, Sara. Like you wouldn’t consider – even for a second – accepting an iPhone from the devil."

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

"Living underground is not what it used to be."

'Naw, man! I ain't never worked in no animal hospital...'

"What do you consider your most attractive feature and what are you doing about it?"