Catholic Clergy Gifts

Henry Manning

'Which father is the father?'

The Past of Pope Francis.

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"You may now kiss the bride..."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Black or white, Vicar?"

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

God Sneezes Out Creation

Night-time halo

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Ghostwriting the Bible

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'