Catholic Priest Gifts

Priests Play Good Priest, Bad Priest

'Darn. His Holiness' letter says nothing about cancelling celibacy.'

'He just found out that 78 of his marriages end in divorce,'

Pope giving out his Music CD as communion wafer.

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Staff support"

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Black or white, Vicar?"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

God Sneezes Out Creation

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

Ghostwriting the Bible

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

Night-time halo