Church Comic Gifts

Hank, the neighborhood homeless person was shocked when the lights came on in the sanctuary during his Saturday night bathtismal.

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Monk Prompt

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

How's my sermon. . .

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

"...and in conclusion..."

The Sleeping Congregation.

Bishops Snooker

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

'Even More Disciples'

The ten ammendments

'That will be 100 hours of community service in some other community.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

Church restrooms

Finger puppets in church.

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Minister Starts at a New Church

Applause

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

'Great escapism, Reverend!'

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

How's my Sermon . . .

Delivery of Sermon within 30 minutes or your second one's FREE!

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

Excommunicate Me.

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'