Church Comic Gifts

Hank, the neighborhood homeless person was shocked when the lights came on in the sanctuary during his Saturday night bathtismal.

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

Monk Prompt

How's my sermon. . .

'Even More Disciples'

"...and in conclusion..."

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

Bishops Snooker

The ten ammendments

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

The Sleeping Congregation.

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'That will be 100 hours of community service in some other community.'

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

Finger puppets in church.

Church restrooms

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Minister Starts at a New Church

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Applause

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

'Great escapism, Reverend!'

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

How's my Sermon . . .

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