Church Comic Enthusiast Gifts

"And now The Reverend Higgins will beat the love of God into each and every one of you."

Sex and Violence....Hell and Brimstone.

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

"The way you kept yelling my name I thought you needed help!"

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

'You brought gold? I thought we agreed to a twenty dollar limit?'

Church restrooms

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

Finger puppets in church.

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Minister Starts at a New Church

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

How's my Sermon . . .

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

Eucharist

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

'It's a devil to start on these damp November Sunday mornings - luckily we have a sidesman who works for the AA.'

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

'I hate the new vicar's cheese and wine parties.'

"Can we discuss this?"

"I meant 'go and make disciples' after the sermon, Bob."

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.