Church Comic Enthusiast Gifts

Sex and Violence....Hell and Brimstone.

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

"The way you kept yelling my name I thought you needed help!"

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

'You brought gold? I thought we agreed to a twenty dollar limit?'

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

Finger puppets in church.

Church restrooms

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Minister Starts at a New Church

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

Eucharist

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

How's my Sermon . . .

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

'It's a devil to start on these damp November Sunday mornings - luckily we have a sidesman who works for the AA.'

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

'I hate the new vicar's cheese and wine parties.'

"I meant 'go and make disciples' after the sermon, Bob."

"Can we discuss this?"

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'

"Faith cannot be bought. We do, however, offer an attractive leasing option."

"That vicar really knows how to put the fear of god into people."