Church Humor Fan Gifts

'It's very inflammed. Why don't you take a vow of silence for a few days?'

"First, you have to get their attention."

Et Tu, God?

"What do you think of the new offering bucket Preacher?"

"Put some spiritual food in there."

Geoffrey Fisher

Even though all of the positions were filled, Herman was convinced that his calling was to be an usher - somehow, someway.

While he agreed it had been a particularly good sermon, Harold the sound engineer would have preferred that Pastor Nigel had not concluded it with a mic drop.

"Any more of that 'cast out the devil' talk and I'll do you for hate crime."

Community Church. . . Back Rubs

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Monk Prompt

How's my sermon. . .

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

'Even More Disciples'

The ten ammendments

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

"...and in conclusion..."

The Sleeping Congregation.

Bishops Snooker

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

Finger puppets in church.

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

Church restrooms

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Minister Starts at a New Church

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Applause