Church Humor Lover Gifts

'You've got the wrong man, I tell you! -- I'm John the METHODIST!'

"You should do a sermon on the dangers of stupidity."

'I know you haven't seen me.. your last sermon was so good, it lasted me an entire year!'

"Happens every time he preaches a 'Fire & Brimstone' sermon."

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

'We've got to stick together - If you can't say anything good about a parson, don't say anything at all.'

"It's just a precaution, we've had a few close calls lately."

"We received an offering designated for 3-ply toilet paper in the women's bathroom."

"Wow. Scary sermon today."

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

"You state here that God is the head of your organization. Any chance you could get Him to co-sign this application?"

"See? The church is full now, but after you shake it and make it snow, the church is empty."

Vicar preaching at pulpit

'Thanks for the thought but we can't accept lottery tickets.'

Applause in a Church

'Good morning, Vicar - are you decent?'

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

116 DAYS WITHOUT A COMPLIMENT

'A little to the right, please, Father.'

'Pastor Bob is so dramatic.'

Poor Box IOU

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

'Surprise treat! Ding-Dongs for everybody!'

Eucharist

Confession Ratings.

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Monk Prompt

How's my sermon. . .

The Sleeping Congregation.

The ten ammendments

"...and in conclusion..."

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'