Church Goer Who Loves Humor Gifts

God says no to praying woman.

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

Church restrooms

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

Finger puppets in church.

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Minister Starts at a New Church

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

"Instagram . . . weAPPon of mass distraction."

Eucharist

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

"There's someone sleeping in my pew, and she's still there!"

'It's a devil to start on these damp November Sunday mornings - luckily we have a sidesman who works for the AA.'

"What - no alcohol, no women, no swearing? I want you to say 950 prayers as punishment for wasting your life!"

Minister's File

"His sermon last Sunday, 'The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth,' had them rolling in the aisles."

"I want you to leave here today with a message of joy!..."

'I hate the new vicar's cheese and wine parties.'