Church Humor Aficionado Gifts

'Good. Now, make a generous offering without expecting anything in return.'

Auto Mechanic's Confessional Booth

Next on Newsnight: the Catholic Church confesses to us....

Pope Benedict - Big Changes.

"You have to admire Percy. He never forgets his working class roots."

"Say-y-y, this stuff could be made into a terrific mini-series."

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

Monk Prompt

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

How's my sermon. . .

'Even More Disciples'

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

The Sleeping Congregation.

"...and in conclusion..."

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

Bishops Snooker

The ten ammendments

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

Finger puppets in church.

Church restrooms

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Minister Starts at a New Church

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'