Church Humor Aficionados Gifts

Holy water cooler moments

''Unfriended' sounds so much more gentle than 'excomummunicated' does.'

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

Monk Prompt

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

How's my sermon. . .

The Sleeping Congregation.

Bishops Snooker

"...and in conclusion..."

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

'Even More Disciples'

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

The ten ammendments

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

Finger puppets in church.

Church restrooms

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Minister Starts at a New Church

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

Applause

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

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Eucharist