Church Humor Gifts

"I'm getting earthy overtones of guilt, with just a hint of sexual frustration."

Excommunicate Me.

'I liked the part when he said we're all going to Hell!'

"If it's all the same to you, I'll wait for a Merlot and she'll have Sauterne."

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Monk Prompt

How's my sermon. . .

"...and in conclusion..."

The Sleeping Congregation.

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

Bishops Snooker

The ten ammendments

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

'Even More Disciples'

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

Finger puppets in church.

Church restrooms

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Minister Starts at a New Church

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

Applause

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week