Churchgoer Humor Gifts

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

St. Lukes Church: Pray and Display

'Nobody, but nobody sleeps through Pastor Norcupp's sermons.'

'Darn. His Holiness' letter says nothing about cancelling celibacy.'

"I judge a church by the quality of the coffee they serve."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

Church restrooms

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

Finger puppets in church.

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

"Hello Mr. Wibley. I haven't seen you in church lately!"

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Minister Starts at a New Church

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

"There's someone sleeping in my pew, and she's still there!"

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

"Instagram . . . weAPPon of mass distraction."

'I'm interested in being born again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"