Churchgoer Humor Pillows

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

St. Lukes Church: Pray and Display

'Nobody, but nobody sleeps through Pastor Norcupp's sermons.'

'Darn. His Holiness' letter says nothing about cancelling celibacy.'

"I judge a church by the quality of the coffee they serve."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

Finger puppets in church.

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

Church restrooms

"Hello Mr. Wibley. I haven't seen you in church lately!"

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Minister Starts at a New Church

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"Instagram . . . weAPPon of mass distraction."

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

Excommunicate Me.

Eucharist

'I'm interested in being born again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.'

'It's a devil to start on these damp November Sunday mornings - luckily we have a sidesman who works for the AA.'

"What - no alcohol, no women, no swearing? I want you to say 950 prayers as punishment for wasting your life!"