Churchgoer With Humor Pillows

Priest to congregation, "I'm no different to you just because I wear a dog collar."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

United Church of OMG

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Hey Frank, any plans for after church?"

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

"Hello Mr. Wibley. I haven't seen you in church lately!"

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

'I'm interested in being born again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.'

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

The 1st annual pet baptism was also the last

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

"Instagram . . . weAPPon of mass distraction."

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

Out for lunch... GOD

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

'I understand the new usher is in the restaurant business.'

"What - no alcohol, no women, no swearing? I want you to say 950 prayers as punishment for wasting your life!"