Churchgoer With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

No shirt, no shoes, no salvation

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'Do you think we may be holding our new Sunday morning services too early?'

REPENT, 'Hey! -- Go find your own corner!'

"Is your church up for the 'Best Media Coverage' award?"

Devil has the best tunes

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

Church: 'We reserve the right to refuse salvation to anyone.'

'Don't worry it's safe, the baptismal is filled with hand sanitizer."

This week's lottery numbers

"What - no alcohol, no women, no swearing? I want you to say 950 prayers as punishment for wasting your life!"

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

Devil at Confession - "Sorry I took so long."

"What's the current return on investment?"

Fake priest in the confession booth.

"The congregation says I'm the salt of the earth. Could that be affecting my blood pressure?"

"Reading the Sunday Funnies 'religiously' does not count as worship."

This space could be working for you.

"Thank you for the collection. We know you can't take it with you, so we'll send it on ahead!"

"A representative from headquarters to see you, sir."

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"I'd like to welcome you all to today's Easter service!"

"How bout ya slip a $20 in there for me too.".." (man talking to another about the church offering plate)

"I'm praying like Mummy and Daddy. Holy Jesus, my God, Give it to me, I'm in heaven. Don't stop..."

"Instagram . . . weAPPon of mass distraction."

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"Kinky."

The new house of worship greeter.

Church Open 51 Sundays Per Year, Closed Superbowl Sunday

"His sermon last Sunday, 'The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth,' had them rolling in the aisles."

Jesus Fish

"It's hot in here."

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

'I really don't know if I should. Jesus doesn't like money changers.'

"They said the new pews would be here 10 weeks ago! I've had it - I won't stand for this any longer!"