Churchgoers With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

'This church accepts all denominations - fivers, tenners, and twenties. . .'

"He promised to get a job when he get parole - so he's seeing how to get into the church."

Sign on door of church, "Please do not ask for forgiveness as a smack in the mouth may offend."

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

"Your deadliest sin was cheating at church bingo."

"Apparently she couldn't get a baby-sitter."

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

Finger puppets in church.

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

Church restrooms

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Minister Starts at a New Church

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

Eucharist

"Instagram . . . weAPPon of mass distraction."

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

'It's a devil to start on these damp November Sunday mornings - luckily we have a sidesman who works for the AA.'

"What - no alcohol, no women, no swearing? I want you to say 950 prayers as punishment for wasting your life!"

"Reading the Sunday Funnies 'religiously' does not count as worship."

'I hate the new vicar's cheese and wine parties.'

"Can we discuss this?"