Churchgoer Jokester Gifts

Priests Play Good Priest, Bad Priest

"So it's ten hail Marys minus a twenty percent trade discount."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

"Hello Mr. Wibley. I haven't seen you in church lately!"

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

Speaking words of wisdom, letter B

"There's someone sleeping in my pew, and she's still there!"

'I'm interested in being born again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.'

Excommunicate Me.

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

"Instagram . . . weAPPon of mass distraction."

"What - no alcohol, no women, no swearing? I want you to say 950 prayers as punishment for wasting your life!"

"His sermon last Sunday, 'The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth,' had them rolling in the aisles."

"Reading the Sunday Funnies 'religiously' does not count as worship."

"I want you to leave here today with a message of joy!..."

Minister's File

'I always thought that church mouse thing was just a figure of speech.'

A virtue of vicars

Confessional bathroom

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

Dang, another calling. This time, Avon.