Churchgoer Jokester Gifts

Priests Play Good Priest, Bad Priest

"So it's ten hail Marys minus a twenty percent trade discount."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Hello Mr. Wibley. I haven't seen you in church lately!"

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

Excommunicate Me.

"Instagram . . . weAPPon of mass distraction."

'I'm interested in being born again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.'

"What - no alcohol, no women, no swearing? I want you to say 950 prayers as punishment for wasting your life!"

"His sermon last Sunday, 'The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth,' had them rolling in the aisles."

'I always thought that church mouse thing was just a figure of speech.'

A virtue of vicars

Minister's File

"Reading the Sunday Funnies 'religiously' does not count as worship."

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

Dang, another calling. This time, Avon.

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Is your church up for the 'Best Media Coverage' award?"