Church-goer Humorist Gifts

"Village church. Monday: Apocalypse. No bingo."

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Monk Prompt

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

How's my sermon. . .

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

'Even More Disciples'

Bishops Snooker

"...and in conclusion..."

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

The ten ammendments

The Sleeping Congregation.

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

Finger puppets in church.

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

Church restrooms

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Minister Starts at a New Church

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

Applause

"Instagram . . . weAPPon of mass distraction."