Churchgoer Humorist Gifts

First Church of Money: Today's Sermon 'Salvation Through Investment Income'.

St. Peter's Car Park - Pray and Display.

'The good news and the bad news is that Sunday School attendance is up.'

"Please rise."

"Allergy season."

'Great sermon! Thanks for not mentioning me by name.'

"...and Lord, we thank You for blessing Farmer Finkel with an abundant bean harvest...and thus our new pews."

"Ten, night, eight, seven. . . ."

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

"I'm not sure I trust you, never heard of a Christian that doesn't drink coffee."

"Jesus couldn't be born in America because where would God find three wise men and a virgin?"

"Because he didn't even change your name. That's how I know he was talking about you."

"Animal sacrifice isn't necessary, son. Just shake out a few dimes."

'The Good Book makes mention of losers like yourself.'

Church sign.

'Don't you dare.'

Attending a Wedding and Watching for the Bride.

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Monk Prompt

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

How's my sermon. . .

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

Bishops Snooker

"...and in conclusion..."

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

'Even More Disciples'

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

The ten ammendments

The Sleeping Congregation.

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."