Church-goer Chuckler Gifts

"Ugh! The estate agency assured us Christianity was in decline."

One god...one church...one collection.

"Did you hear the one about the Christian, the atheist and the Buddhist?"

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Where 'Pastor'-ized Milk Comes From...

"Freshly ground pepper?"

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

"Hello Mr. Wibley. I haven't seen you in church lately!"

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

'Golly, is it that time already?'

"There's someone sleeping in my pew, and she's still there!"

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

"Instagram . . . weAPPon of mass distraction."

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

'I'm interested in being born again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.'

Speaking words of wisdom, letter B

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'