Churchgoer Chuckle Gifts

Why as a general rule Pastors are not allowed to help on building work days.

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

"Hello Mr. Wibley. I haven't seen you in church lately!"

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

'And then the Lord proclaimed, in a loud, thunderous voice...'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

"There's someone sleeping in my pew, and she's still there!"

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

Speaking words of wisdom, letter B

'I'm interested in being born again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.'

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"Instagram . . . weAPPon of mass distraction."

"What - no alcohol, no women, no swearing? I want you to say 950 prayers as punishment for wasting your life!"

"Reading the Sunday Funnies 'religiously' does not count as worship."

A virtue of vicars

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

Minister's File

"His sermon last Sunday, 'The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth,' had them rolling in the aisles."

'I always thought that church mouse thing was just a figure of speech.'

Priests Play Good Priest, Bad Priest

Confessional bathroom

Dang, another calling. This time, Avon.

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'